


Don't give it up just yet

by Ladynight



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Alternative Universe - No werewolves, Anal Sex, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Fingerfucking, Fluffy, M/M, Major Illness, a little humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 15:14:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3815170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladynight/pseuds/Ladynight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles was falling for him, falling so hard that he had only slept with two guys since he met him.<br/>That was not Stiles’ plan, Derek was changing the plan.<br/>And he couldn’t do that.<br/>*<br/>“It’s growing.”<br/>“Ok, so what can we do?” Stiles was squeezing his tight so hard, he thought he would burn holes in it.<br/>“We can start chemo, but it’s not a 100% effective treatment as you already know.”<br/>“Okay…” he nodded slowly, feeling like the room had run out of air.<br/>“If it shrinks or stops growing after chemo, we could operate. But as I’ve to told you before Stiles, it’s a very small chance and—“<br/>“And even if it happens, the surgery is risky and I could lose my memory or become a potato.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The plan

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling a little sad, so I wrote something.  
> Hope you enjoy.

_You lost a part of your existence_  
_In the war against yourself_  
_Oh, the lights_  
_They light up in lights of sadness_ _  
_ _Telling you, it's time to go_

San Francisco is a great place to live, the sun warm and bright almost every day of the week, bar and pubs on every corner, lots of people coming in and out at every second of every day. San Francisco is everything Stiles needs right now. Not that his dad was very fond of the idea of Stiles dropping out of college and going to live outside of Beacon Hills, but he understood it a little bit, and after all, his son was a twenty-one years old adult. There wasn’t much to do besides let Stiles live his life the way he wanted to. Parents can only call the shots for so long.

He didn’t have much, but what he _did_ have was all he needed. He got an apartment on a very busy street, the build was old but preserved, red brick walls with white details at the outside and green puffy walls on the halls with the dark woody floor. No elevator.

Stiles lived at the second floor, so he didn’t really mind the fact that there was no elevator. His place was small, the living room and kitchen being separated only by a counter where he placed some flowers and photos, leaving just a space so he could eat. Stiles remembered when he first bought it, his dad came to help him to move all his stuff, they spread newspapers all over the ground and painted the walls with a bright yellow, laughing and drinking beer while hanging some of Claudia’s painting and family’s pictures. They took three days to finish assembling the bookcase occupying the entire wall behind the television; Stiles loved to read and there were books practically everywhere, even on the bathroom.

His favorite author is Harlan Coben, so he has at least ten books from the guy. Stiles loved police thrillers, but hey, who can blame him? He really didn’t like that Nickolas Sparks’ novels or the books that were really catching on and had the same style as the fault is on our stars. He thought those kind of books were not realistic. Life is not like that.

At least not for Stiles anyway.

He wasn’t an architect or a doctor, but he loved his job. Stiles worked at a little not too busy café only a street down from his home, he got the morning shift from Monday to Friday, and at Saturdays he worked the whole afternoon, from two to six o’clock. There were never a lot of costumers since they were located at a hidden place, but that was what Stiles most loved it about it, he could read at work, listen to some music. It was just the calm he needed.

Life wasn’t perfect, but nothing is.

It was a Wednesday night, Stiles was at a very nice(and his favorite) bar; the music was good, loud enough so people could dance if they wanted to, but low enough so you don’t have to scream to be heard.

He didn’t want to get hammered, actually, he didn’t really like getting drunk, but his intention was other anyway. The bartender had changed from a very hot and tall blond man to a very nice black woman, white and warm smile, black long hair fallowing down her shoulders and back. Stiles smiled and dropped at the vague bench, hands tapping on the wood balcony, _Do I wanna know_ playing at the back.

“Hey there, what can I get you?” she was drying a glass.

“Just a beer, please.”

“ _Please_? I’m not used to hearing that around here.” She laughed opening the bottle and handling it to Stiles.

“You are new here, aren’t you? Because, you know, I come here a lot and this is the first time I see you.” 

“I started on Monday, actually.” He nodded taking a sip. “I see you are a regular uh?”

“Yeah, I kind of am.”

“In that case, I should know your name. I’m Braden, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you Braden,” he smiled “I’m Stiles.”

“Stiles? Really?”

“Well, no. But if I tell you the name my mom actually gave it to me, I might die.” Braden laughed and Stiles noticed by the corner of his eyes a really, really handsome man staring at them.

“And we don’t want that, do we?”

“Of course you don’t!” he put the beer down “I’m too nice to just die like that.” His lips quirking slight up at one corner, eyes down to his bottle before he looked back up at Braden who smiled while going to take the order of a very, very hot redhead.

Stiles turned his head to the side, the man wasn’t looking at him so Stiles took his time admiring him under the weak light of the bar, the black dark hair matching his perfect sized beard, not too long, not too short. The blue V-neck shirt highlighting his defined muscles and going perfectly with his dark ripped jeans, Stiles couldn’t see the color of his eyes for sure, but from what he _could_ see, they seemed between blue and green, something like that. The guy turned, facing him from two benches away and yep, his eyes were a penetrating mix of green and blue and grey, kind of like a kaleidoscope of colors.  And that’s why Stiles turned away, because if he kept staring at that man he was going to get hooked.

And that is the last thing he wants right now.

He could feel the man’s eyes on him as he drunk his second beer. Someone sat at his left side and he didn’t even bordered turning to see who was it.

“Hi, can I buy you a drink?” Stiles looked at him, brown hair and eyes as blue as the sea, not a very hot body but still yummy.

He grinned at the man “Only if I can know your name first.”

“Lucas.” The sly smile playing on his lips.

“Stiles.”

“Nice to meet you, so, what do you want to drink?” Luca’s voice was very sexy.

“That depends, what do you recommend Lucas?” Whole body now turned towards the man, an equal sly smile on his face.

He bended, mouth on Stiles ears as he whispered “Whatever you want to, Stiles. Whatever. You. Want.”

Stiles put his hand on his neck, pulling him till their noses meet and whispers “I like that idea. A lot.”  He brushed his lips softly against Lucas’, smiling at how his breath hitched “Your place?”

“Sure, let me just grab my coat.”

“Ok.” Braden appeared smiling at him, eyebrow arching up “What?” he asked.

“Nothing.” She kept smiling “Just that you gotta yourself a pretty good date.”

Stiles grinned “I don’t date.” He winked at her and left the place with Lucas’ arm around his waist and his mouth on his neck.

Besides the slightly taste of alcohol, the sex was outstanding. Lucas really knew what he was doing when he fucked Stiles on the couch and, after a little nap, Stiles made he almost black out on the shower, making him sob and moan loudly as he begged and begged for more until Stiles gave more than he could take it. It was very, _very_ good, and at two thirty a.m., when he was at the door putting on his shirt, both of them were with a few hickeys here and there, Lucas kissed him quickly before he left.

They didn’t even exchanged numbers.

Perfect.

He got to his building, saying hi to Maria, his very cute old neighbor, and went into his place, getting naked and sleeping till four-twenty, when he had to get up to go to work. Stiles took a quick shower, put on his jeans and a pled red shirt, grabbed his wallet and keys and left.

“Good morning Maria, up so early?” they were both going down the stairs, the old lady with her tiny dog on her arm “And good morning to you too Cindy.” He scratched the dog’s ear.

“Good morning Stiles, Cindy needed to pop, didn’t you my baby?” Stiles smiled as Maris kissed her dog like it was a baby. “You good? Going to work even though you got home so late?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s ok, I don’t mind.” He really didn’t.

They were at the street, Maria putting Cindy on the ground and going to the right as Stiles took the left. “See ya Maria.”

“See ya honey.”

Stiles was the only one there, singing alone as he put the chairs down, dancing as he cleaned the counter. When all was ready he turned the sign from close to open and went back to his spot, making a black coffee to himself, because after all, he was almost sleeping while standing and that was not a good thing to do.

His dad texted him around seven.

_Dad: when is your appointment?_

_Next week._

_Dad: Ok._

Stiles rolled his eyes.

_Relax Dad, it’s fine. I’ll call you afterwards._

_Dad: You better._

_Dad: I miss you._

_I miss you too, how about I take Saturday off and go see you?_

_Dad: I would like that._

Stiles grinned.

_Alright then, see you next week dad._

_Dad: see you son._

The bell rang so Stiles settle his phone down at the side of his cup and looked up, warm smile already on his lips when he realized _who_ had just entered the café: it was the hot guy with the amazing eyes from last night.

Oh hell.

“Good morning, what can I can I get you?” Stiles was still smiling and dear God, those eyes seemed even more amazing and incredible from up close.

And fuck it, the guy had bunny teeth.

Fucking cute bunny teeth.

Oh, screw it.

“An espresso, please.”

“Coming right up.” He turned to the machine.

He put the cup down “Sugar?”

“Sure.”

Stiles nodded and handle the sugar pot to him “Anything else I can do for you?”

The guy took a sip and made a ‘hum’ noise “No, I’m good.”

“Alright then, it’s two dollars.” He took a ten dollar note out of his pocket.

“Keep the change.”

“Are you serious dude? ‘Cuz that’s a pretty fat tip.”

He smiled wildly while sitting at the counter bench. “I know, I’m Derek by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Stiles,” he grinned a little.

His smile was more predatory now “I know that too.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, you were at the bar last night.”

“Oh yeah! You were sitting a few benches away.”

“You remember me?” Derek’s voice got a little weird, one of his eyebrow going up.

“Well, yeah.” Stiles grabbed a cloth and began wiping the counter “You are pretty damn hard to forget Derek.” Stiles really needed to learn to _think_ before talking.

“Why is that?”

And, thank God, a woman entered the store smiling, the brown eyes with the straight dark blond hair just above her shoulders, tapping at the counter “Hello there you hot piece of ass.”

Stiles laughed “Well hello Erica, my sweet drop of heaven.” He went to do her order, a cappuccino with lots and lots of chocolate “How things went last night?”

“Good, great actually.” She paid and grabbed her cup “So, how are you?”

Derek was staring at them.

“Erica, stop that, I told you I’m fine, everything is fine.”

“I worry about you Stiles, you can’t just-“

“Erica, I’m not. It’s going to be fine.”

She stared at him for a long second “You are a really sucky liar, you know that right?”

Stiles smiled shyly “Yeah, I know.”

She nodded slowly “Just… Just talk to me ok? Whenever you need.”

“Sometimes I regret ever telling you stuff.” She slapped his arm “Ei!”

Erica stuck her tongue out “Bite me. I gotta go to work, but we are not done here.”

“I’d be worried if we were.” He smiles waving as she leaves.

After a brief silence Derek decides to speak again, asking “You’ve a girlfriend?” Eyes popping out and Stiles grinned, Derek probably thinks that he cheated on Erica last night and that’s funny.

“Yes, we are engaged actually.” Derek’s whole face went pale and he stiffed.

“But—“ he got up, losing balance a little.

Stiles couldn’t take it any longer, he leaned on the counter and burst into laughter “Holy shit, your face” he tried to catch his breath, drops of water at the corner of his eyes “Oh Jesus, it was priceless.”

“Wait, what?”

“Oh man, of course I’m not _engaged_ to her.” He finally brings himself to stop laughing “She’s just a very close friend, she has a boyfriend. Very nice guy.”

“Oh, I thought you—“

“Cheated? I would never do such thing.”

The café started to get a little full, so Derek said goodbye and made himself out, turning back to wave once he was outside. Stiles grinned waving back while holding a muffin.

Derek came a few more times that week, always early so they could chat and when Stiles found out that Derek had read the maze runner five times, well, conversation got very good.

 “Oh please, she was protecting him!”

“Oh hell no, she was being a bitch!” Stiles said as he sat on the balcony “She kissed Aris _in fron_ _t_ of Thomas man, that’s wrong!” Doesn’t matter what people say, Teresa was being a bitch who deserved to die. Period.

“Wouldn’t you do the same?”

“Of course not, I prefer to die than to make the ones I love suffers.” He stared at Derek’s eyes “I want the people I love to be happy, even if I’m not around to see it.” That was true, truer than Derek could ever imagine.

He smiled, one of the smiles that made Stiles feel unique somehow, warming him from the inside out “That’s very noble. I think you’re too good to hang with me.”

“I think it’s the other way around.” The lost grin as he went back to his spot to take a man’s order.

And Derek kept showing up, talking and laughing and making Stiles doubt his plan, making Stiles like him more and more every day.

Why Derek had to be so nice? So adorable?

Stiles was really starting to like him, which was bad.

 _Really bad_.

*

The down side of living on your own is that _you_ have to do the shop and Stiles really hated going to the supermarket, he was tired from last night fuck but it was buying food or starving, so yeah.

He had already gotten the frozen lasagna he loved, cookies and chocolate because he loves candy with all his heart and soul, and was picking cereal when something bumped into his leg. He looked down to see a little boy holding a Froot Loops cereal box like his entire life depended on it, the big brighteyes looking scared and lost. Stiles kneeled.

“Hey buddy, you alright?” the boy just nodded. “Are you lost? What’s your name?”

“Isaac.” He said low and weak.”

“Well hi Isaac, I’m Stiles.” He pointed to the cereal “I see you have a very good taste.”

“You like Froot Loops too?” He shook the carton, excitement irradiating from his tiny body.

“Yes, they are the best cereal ever.”

“I know! It’s what I keep telling my mom.”

Stiles smiled at the way the boy rolled his eyes “I guess she doesn’t really believe that, uh.”

“Yeah, she always buys that one that tastes like grass.” He made a face of pure horror.

Stiles laughed hard. “Ok, but I still have to get you back to her.” He stood up, holding Isaac’s hand and grabbing his basket. “C’mon, let’s go look for her.”

As soon as they stepped into the pasta corner Derek appeared, running and hugging Isaac. “Dear God, don’t you ever, ever, do that again! Your mom was about to kill me champs.”

Isaac looked like a sad puppy and Stiles wondered how hard must be to educate him, since it’s probably impossible to say no to him “Sorry, I just wanted cereal.”

“Why didn’t you ask for it?”

“Because mom doesn’t get what I want when I ask.”

“Well, there is a reason for that Isaac. Froot Loops are not good.”

“ _Nha aham_ , yes they are!” he pointed up to Stiles, who was holding a grin “Stiles likes them too!”

Derek finally looked up “Stiles?”

“Hi Derek, I didn’t know you were a dad.” Stiles would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little disappointed at that. Derek had never mentioned a kid before so Stiles got a little upset, because if he has a son, it means that there is a _mom_.

Stiles isn’t supposed to feel like this.

“No, I—“

“Jesus Christ, Isaac, there you are! Oh my God, do you want mommy to die of a heart attack?”

“He just wanted cereal.” Derek told the redhead that just glared at him.

“You were supposed to keep an eye on him.”

“Mommy, can I have Froot Loops? I promise to never run from you ever again.” He crossed his chest.

“Fine, but just this time!” She put it on her shopping car “Sorry if he caused you any trouble.”

“No, he is a great kid.” Stiles caressed the boy’s hair. “Well, I should go, I don’t want to interrupt your family thing.” He smiled, ready to leave, when Derek touched his shoulder.

“I’m not a dad.”

“Uh?”

“Stiles, this is my sister Laura and her son, Isaac.”

“Oh! Nice to meet you Laura.” Stiles must be smiling so hard right now.

“So _you_ are the famous Stiles who works at the café!” Stiles shook her hand and turned his head towards Derek, raising an eyebrow.

Derek couldn’t get more flushed.

“Famous, uh?”

“Yeah, Uncle Derek told us about you.” The kid said innocently and Derek seemed like he was almost running to the hills.

“He did? And what did he told you?”

“That you were nice and worked at a coffeehouse and that he really enjoyed talking to you because you were intert—inter—something.”

“Interesting.” Laura completed the sentence.

“I never told you that.” He looked down at Isaac.

“I overheard you talking to mom the other day.”

Stiles smiled looking at Isaac “Well, your uncle it’s not that bad either buddy.” He could feel Derek’s eyes on him.

“Are you going to eat _that_ ” Laura pointed at the frozen lasagna “For dinner?”

“Yes?” Stiles felt very intimidate by her, for some reason.

The smile she gave it to him and Derek was pure evil “You should come have dinner with us, what do you think champs?”

“Laura!” Derek barked and Stiles started laughing.

“He likes Froot Loops.” Isaac stopped for a second “I like him.”

“I give up.” Derek buried his head on his hands.

“Oh cheer up Derek,” Stiles squeezed his shoulder and noticed how Derek’s body seemed to shiver, eyes looking directly at him and fuck, he wanted to just stay staring at those eyes forever “It’ll be fun!”

Stiles can’t have this kind of feeling.

He needed to control himself.

*

All self-control went down the drain when, while he helped Laura cooks, he eyed Derek sitting at the middle of their living room playing leggo with Laura’s kid, and Jesus it was so cute and domestic. It was all he wanted and he couldn’t have.

Dinner went great, Isaac told Stiles about his friends at school, how his mom was an amazing cooker and how Uncle Derek was the best storyteller everyone has ever seen in the whole world.

“Oh really buddy?” Stiles grinned at Derek.

“Dear God.” Derek muttered under his breath and Laura laughed, spitting her water back into the cup.

“Yes, tell him mom, tell him.”

“It is true Stiles, Derek is an amazing storyteller.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to prove that to me one day.” Stiles took a sip of his water staring at Derek, who looked at the same time surprised and pleased.

It was a good look for him.

“I will, don’t worry.” Stiles insides twitched at those words, full of unspoken promises.

But they were at a family’s dinner. At Laura’s place.

“Ok, it’s time for shower and then bed.” Laura glanced at Isaac.  “Can you wash the dishes for me little bro?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll help you.” Stiles got up, taking the plates and fallowing Derek towards the kitchen.

“Bye Stiles!” Isaac jumped on him, catching him by surprise.

“Bye kiddo, have good dreams.” He hugged the boy back before he ran into the bathroom, Laura smiling.

Being so close to Derek was not good, not good at all. Their arms bumping from time to time as Stiles dried and Derek washed, shoulders rubbing every time Derek laughed at something Stiles said, Derek’s perfume was so good, reminding Stiles of nature and fresh air somehow, and Stiles was losing it.

Derek was so nice, always giving him big tips, staying with him almost every morning last week, talking, making company and making Stiles feels so good and happy. Stiles told him about how he met Erica and her boyfriend at a strip club, about his dad and his best friend that didn’t live in San Francisco. Stiles kept chatting with him because he thought that he would be able to _just_ be friends with Derek, he thought that his beautiful eyes and amazing body wouldn’t interfere in his plan but it did, it so did.

Besides, Derek was freaking loveable! He liked the same books as Stiles, they liked the same music, slight disagreed about food, but nothing fatal.

Stiles was falling for him, falling so hard that he had only slept with two guys since he met him.

That was not the plan. Derek was changing the plan.

And he couldn’t do that.

“So, what are you doing tomorrow?” Derek asked after they finish with the dishes.

“I’m going back home to see my dad for the weekend, actually.”

“Where, exactly, is ‘home’?”

“Oh I never told you?” Stiles smiled drying his hands. “Beacon Hills.”

“Really? Because Laura and I are going there too, to see our family, actually Cora wants to give Scott a present.”

“Beacon Hills? No way!”

“Yeah, my family still lives there.”

“You never told me that!” And Stiles didn’t even know why he cared about that little fact so damn much.

“Sorry,” Derek grinned taking a step forward and _maybe,_ just maybe _,_ Stiles had let some of that disappointment appear on his voice.

“It’s okay, you can buy me a muffin and it’s all forgiven.” Stiles smiled nervously.

He needed to step back and go home.

Only little detail: he didn’t want to do that.

“You are that easy to bribe, uh?” He was so close now that Stiles could count the different colors of his eyes.

“I wasn’t till just now. I think.” The words slipping out before he could even realize it.

Derek grinned shyly, nose bumping with Stiles’.

“And why is that?” A low whisper that made Stiles whole body shiver, a cold going down his spine.

And he was hooked.

“I don’t know.” He said trembling.

“I think you should find out.”

Derek’s hand touched his neck softly, the air being trapped at his throat as his eyes closed, taking a deep breath. Derek leaned in and at the moment his lips were pressed against Stiles it was like Stiles’ whole body just lighted up like a Christmas tree,  the thrill going down his spine, every hair of his being standing up. Derek’s mouth was warm and wet, his thumb stroking gently his cheek as his tongue licked every little inch of Stiles inside, and the moan was unstoppable, coming out without Stiles’ permission. Derek seemed to like it though.

Derek was kissing him like his life relied on it, like he was drowning and Stiles was his only salvation and it was so good that Stiles forgot about everything, fingers clenching at Derek’s shirt, pulling him  evento closer, whining at the teeth biting his bottom lip, tasting him. Stiles pressed their foreheads together, mind trying to go back to normal, Derek’s hands now on his waist, hot and pperfec, the ghost of Derek's breath over his parted lips. Stiles squeezed his shoulders softly, he needed to leave, he couldn’t do this.

“Did you—Oh, sorry, sorry!” Laura laughed a little, stepping back.

Derek ignored her completely, brushing his lips against Stiles’ before taking some distance.

“I should, uh, go. It’s late.” He wanted to stay with Derek so badly.

“No, yeah, I am leaving too.”

“Actually,” Laura came in once again “I came to see if you can read a story for Isaac, he’s asking for you.”

Derek took his time processing that information and Stiles couldn’t stop his gaze from falling at his swollen lips.

He had done that.

“Sure I can.” He turned back to Stiles. “See you at Beacon Hills?”

“Yeah.” It was all that came out as he nodded awkwardly. “Uh, I have to go, but thanks for everything Laura, it was great.”

“You’re welcome Stiles, you should come by more.”

“Yeah.” He felt the tears burning behind his eyes. “Bye.” He waved and left.

Stiles held it together thru the entire way back home, but when he was finally alone leading against the door of his dark apartment he just could not take it anymore. Slipping to the ground and letting the sobs out, letting the tears fall.

Reality never seemed so scary.

 _This was not the plan_.

*

“It’s growing.”

“Ok, so what can we do?” Stiles was squeezing his tight so hard, he thought he would burn holes in it.

“We can start chemo, but it’s not a 100% effective treatment, as you already know.”

“Okay…” he nodded slowly, feeling like the room had run out of air.

“If it shrinks or stops growing after chemo, we can operate. But as I’ve to told you before Stiles, it’s a very small chance and—“

“And even if it happens, the surgery is risky and I could lose my memory or become a potato.”


	2. Tell me are you just getting by?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I created a little playlist for you guys to hear while reading, if you want to, of course.  
> http://www.deezer.com/playlist/1218499593  
> We have a lot of tears here, and I 'm only sorry for half of them hahaha.  
> Sorry for the mistakes, I cried a little while writting haha.

_Don't give it up just yet, stay grand_ _  
_ _For one more minute, don't give it up just yet_ _  
_ _Stay... grand_

 “Dad!” He hugged is old man tight, burying his face at John’s neck. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He pulled apart just enough to kiss Stiles forehead “Melissa, Scott and Allison are dying to see you.”

Stiles smiled thinking about them, grabbing his bag and going inside the Stilinski’s house, his old home. No one was there, Melissa must be at the hospital, Scott and Allison had their own place now that they were engaged and planning on having babies.

“So, how was the doctor’s appointment?”

Stiles felt his heart pounding, he kept looking down at his feet for a long moment before creating the courage to stare at his dad “It’s time to tell everybody, dad.”

John stiffed for a moment, the information sinking in, hitting him as train. He fell on the couch right behind him, eyes watering and hands shaking, face tensed and sad, so sad that Stiles could feel his own eyes burning, the tears already there again. “But, son I can’t—“ John started crying, chest going up and down in pure desperate and Stiles just sat at his side, holding him and crying, rocking his dad, trying to make him stop shaking and sobbing because that was breaking his heart, his dad had already lost Claudia, and now Stiles was going to leave him too. It wasn’t right, **it wasn’t fair**. **It wasn’t fair**. “There is no way that—“ He choked on his own sob and tears “No way for you to get better?” His voice so broken.

His eyes were red and he looked so small and undefended staring back at Stiles. “Dr. Sivan said I could try chemo to make it shrink, and if it works he can operate. But the chance is small and even then, the surgery is risky.” Stiles’ throat was burning up, his chest hurting like it never did before, now that he had told his dad it seemed… It seemed more real, maybe _too real_. “I’m sorry, dad.”

“So there is a chance?” John dried his tears in a hurry, hope sparkling from his eyes and Stiles could not do this because _there was no hope_.

“No dad—“

“But the doctor said you could try!”

“Dad,” he was whispering “It’s one in a million, I don’t want to suffer and I don’t want to make you guys suffer by creating hope in something that it’s doom to…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it, he couldn’t say it because it hurt so much, it felt so wrong….

“No, you can’t give up Stiles, you have to fight, you can win!” John was standing now, hands shaking as the tears continued to roll down nonstop.

“I don’t want to spend my last months at a hospital like mom did, Dad!” Stiles started yelling, face red and heart hurting so badly, every beat seeming like a slap across his face “I want to enjoy the little good time I still have doing the things I love!”

“You want to keep living like you’ve been living since you found out? Even knowing that there is a chance now? You can’t do this to me son, you can’t! You have to _stay_ with me, you are all I have.”

Stiles started crying again, this is too hard. “You have Melissa and soon enough Scott and Allison will have a baby, it’s going to be ok.”

Melissa, Scott and Allison came in laughing, the three walking into the living room with smiles on their faces and Stiles couldn’t stand the idea of ripping those smiles off with his stupid tumor, with his bad news.

 They stopped as soon as they noticed all the tears, John’s veins popping out.

“What’s wrong?” Scott was the one who asked, Melissa coming to stand next to John.

“Stiles has a brain tumor and he doesn’t want to fight it! He wants to die and I-- I can’t watch it!” He screamed to the seven winds. “I’ve lost all that I have and I just can’t—“ The words getting mixed up with hiccups, with painful moans.

“Is that true?” Scott seemed to be in shock, Allison hugging Stiles from the side.

The world stopped, his best friend since he was four was staring at him like that, surprise and sad and _fuck_! Why did this ever happen? He couldn’t breathe, Melissa was holding his father as he cried and murmured noises and lost syllables, Scott’s eyes watering and Stiles just – He just couldn’t be there anymore, being the reason why everyone’s life was falling apart.

“I gotta go.” There was no air, he needed to go, _he just needed to go_. Stiles grabbed his coat and left because this was too fucking much for him to take, it was hurting so badly being the reason of the tears from the people he loved the most, and it feels like he is being stabbed again and again and again.  

 It’s not like he wants to die, but the chance is ridiculous small, so why spent all the good time he has left in a hospital, letting everyone’s hope grow, if the chance is almost zero? Why staying in a boring bedroom, lying down, throwing up and losing hair because of a chemo treatment that probably was not even going to work? Suffering and making everyone’s life a living hell for maybe some more months, just so that at the last second, the rug could be pulled from under them.

They said that his mother got a chance, that she could win. They said she should try to fight it and so she did it, she fought. But it was _useless._ She got better for a couple of months and then things got worse and worse by the second, at the end she was bold, pale, forgetting the name of everyone she had ever loved, forgetting who she was in slowly and painful moments. Claudia was being erased little by little and all they could do was watch and Stiles couldn’t put his family and friends thru all that pain again. _He_ didn’t want to be in that pain, needles going up and down his body, not being able to do what he wants for a last time and ending up just… _Just dying alone_ , without any memory just like his mom did, or even worse, what if Stiles got violent? What if he said bad things and hurt his dad right before dying on him? Because that could happen, could happen and just thinking about it make him sick to his stomach. 

Claudia abdicated of her last good months to stay in a hospital and it was useless and painful.

It took her nowhere different from the excepted: **death**.

He didn’t want to die locked up.

He didn’t want to…

Stiles didn’t realize where he was until he bumped into a tree.

He was in the middle of the woods.

He sat down, back against some very tall and old three and he cried, he cried because reality had just slapped him in the face.

He would never be like Scott and Allison; he would never be able to have a husband, _to have a baby_ , to buy baby’s clothes and paint the baby’s room, he would never be able to have a big house, to share this house with the man that he was falling in love with because he didn’t have time for that. _He was doomed_. He would never be able to be with Derek, to play with Isaac, to get **married**. He wasn’t going to see Allison’s baby and it sucks. It sucks so much that he can’t have those things because he wants them, he wants to be happy but he doesn’t have the time for it.

Because he is dying.

And as much as he wanted to be with Derek, to get to know him even more and more, he couldn’t just bring that to Derek’s life. He was a time bomb destined to explode and damage every living thing around him.

The plan was to not get intimate with anybody, the plan was to sleep around, getting to know new people every day, drink, play at the park, go to the beach and just have a quite little good life while he could, because Stiles couldn’t entered in someone’s life, bonding with them just to ruin it all by dying on them

It wasn’t fair.

But Derek _destroyed_ his plan, Derek let him in, he crawled thru Stiles’ skin and just stayed there. Derek showed a world of possibilities that he wanted with all his heart and soul, but he couldn’t have and it was hard to let him go. It was hard to say no to all that he had always wanted.

 He always wanted to fall madly and stupidly in love with someone, going to a fun park together, taking stupid pictures and gluing them on the fridge. Traveling to all sorts of places, kiss his husband under the Eiffel tower… And although Stiles wasn’t in love with Derek now, he knew that he easily could, because Derek was amazing and perfect.

He was perfect and Stiles wishes he didn’t have to let him go. 

“Stiles? Hey Stiles!” Isaac was holding a jar full with bugs, eyes big and blue as he ran towards Stiles, smiling and waving with his free hand and for moment, for a brief moment Stiles pictured himself older, his own son or daughter running at him with a smile just as big and warm as the one Isaac had right now.

 _Shit_.

“Hey buddy,” he dried his face as fast as he could, getting up and sniffing “You are hunting bugs?”

“Yeah, but I’m going to set them free because their place is the nature.” Crap that cuteness wasn’t helping Stiles at all.

“That’s very nice, you learned that at school?”

“No, Uncle Derek taught me.” He stopped for a second “Were you crying Stiles?”

“Isaac, your mommy wants to take you to get some ice cream and—“ Derek stopped, smile disappearing as soon as he looked at Stiles’ red from crying swollen face.

“Cool!” The boy started running, completely forgetting about the fact that Stiles didn’t answer him. But then he abruptly stopped “You wanna come too Stiles?”

“No, buddy, thanks.” He couldn’t do this to Isaac, get into a child’s life just to leave.

“Tell Laura I’m not going either.” Derek stepped closer and Stiles needed to run, however his body wasn’t helping.

“Ok!” was the last thing Isaac said before disappearing for good this time.

Stiles thought Derek was going to ask questions but he didn’t, he just smashed their mouths together softly, like he had missed Stiles only for the little time they were apart and _dammit_. One hand pulling Stiles by the waist while the other played with his hair and nape and it was so good. He hadn’t realized he had missed Derek so much until that moment, until his body just seemed to come to live under Derek’s warm touch.

“I can’t do this.” He pulled back, tripping over his feet as he walked away.

“Stiles, what’s wrong?” A stepped forward.

“I can’t be with you, I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you. You ruined my plan.”

“You’re not making any sense here Stiles.” He stiffed, expression going worried “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

Silent tears wetting his face once more, red eyes analyzing Derek’s beautiful face as he trembled, breathing hard “You are amazing Derek, you are the best thing I never had and I can’t do this to you.”

“Do what?”

Stiles bitted his lower lip, smashing his eyes shut and feeling his head throbbing. He took a deep breath looking towards the sky “ _Die_.” Saying it out loud made his heart bleed.

“Die? What do you mean?” Derek looked like he already knew what was happening, just wanting confirmation.

“I’ve cancer Derek, a brain tumor and the chances that I survive are fucking small and I can’t die on you. I wish I could stay long enough to love you like I think I could, but I can’t do that and I can’t die on you.”

“Stiles—“

“I have to go.” He ignored Derek calling his name, screaming for him and just kept walking.

He kept walking because Derek deserved someone healthy.

He kept walking because he couldn’t look at Derek any longer.

 

*

His dad was at Melissa’s house because, from what Scott had told him, John couldn’t be alone. Scott and Allison sat on his bed for what felt like hours, playing video games and telling him the gossips and Stiles loved his friend for that, for trying their best not to cry in front of him, for trying to focus at something other than his problem even though Stiles could see that they had cried their eyes out, Allison’s make up was blurred, making her look like a panda bear, and Scott’s eyes were as red as a tomato and even though he didn’t want to, he was looking at Stiles with pity.

“Why don’t you try? _I don’t wanna lose you_.” Scott whispered after a moment of dead silence.

“What if it doesn’t work and I just spent my few good time at a hospital? What if you all get your hopes up and then I just die on you all?”

Scott sniffed.

“But what if it works and you live?” Allison said it while hugging him “What if _you_ are the one in a million?”

Stiles didn’t believe in that.

“I want to be alone for while.”

“Promise me you’ll think about it, please?” Scott got up “I don’t want my future baby to not have you as a godfather.”

“I’ll think.”

And Stiles was alone.

His dad got home a few time after that and Stiles said he was going to think about it, just to see his dad face light up even if a little bit only. He could hear John’s hiccups from the other room, his cry getting lower and lower until it stopped, leaving Stiles alone in his dark room, staring at the ceiling; head over a wet pillow.

He wasn’t crying anymore.

He fell asleep thinking about Derek, about their kiss and about Isaac and Laura. He fell asleep with two fingers pressed against his lips, remembering how good it felt to have Derek’s mouth on his. 

Stiles woke up on the middle of the night with a noise, he sat up abruptly, fingers reaching for the baseball batch.

“Holy fucking Jesus, Derek! Shit!” The man was standing by the side of his window. “How do you know where I live? And, more important, how the hell did you get in here for fuck’s sake?!”

“You’re the sheriff’s kid and I climbed. You should really lock it, by the way.” He finally stepped in, body close to Stiles’ now.

“’Cuz that’s not weird at all, people climbing at my window.”

“You ran away.” Derek chooses to ignore Stiles’ last sentence “You ran away before I could say anything.”

“I know, and I had a good reason.”

“Just, please, tell me what’s wrong. I need to know.” Eyes focusing on Stiles red nose, his puffy face.

Stiles took a deep, unsteady breathe “I have brain cancer, just like my mom. The chances that I survive are almost zero and you shouldn’t be here.”

“I _want_ to be here.” He held one of Stiles’ hand while drying a tear with the other. “So there is a chance?”

“I could try chemo, and if it shrinks I can operate, but the surgery is risk and a million things can go wrong and—“ Derek’s grip got tighter and he was crying a little again. “Why you even wanna be here?”

“Because I like you.”

“Well you shouldn’t…”

“Yes, yes I should, because you are amazing.” Stiles looked up at him right before Derek glued their lips together, soft and calm. “Do you wanna try chemo?”

“No. My mom did it and she died anyway and I just want to be happy while I still can.”  He was ready for Derek to cry or yell at him, like everyone else did. Telling that he was being a coward or weak.

But he **didn’t**.

“Ok.”

“Ok?”

“Yeah, if you want to just be happy, I’m gonna be happy with you. Of course I want you to fight, but if you don’t want to, I’ll stay with you anyway.”

Stiles hugged him, pulling him as close as he possibly could, burying his face on his neck and just breathing Derek in “Thank you.”, he whispered.

“You’re welcome.” Derek gently grabbed his neck, kissing him once more, wet and hot and perfect, making Stiles insides burn.

“Please stay the night.” He was breathing hard, Derek’s fingers on his waist.

“Sure.”

Stiles lied down on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, falling asleep in peace, falling asleep like he never did before.

*****

On Sunday Stiles got back to San Francisco, telling everybody that he was going to think about it over the next week. Derek went to live with him on his tiny apartment, bringing all his stuff on Monday and Stiles couldn’t be happier, yes it was hurry and not ideal, but he liked. He loved it. It was an adventure, something new and maybe a huge mistake, but in his entire life, Stiles had made no mistakes. He always lived by the rules and fallowing what people said it was right and now was the perfect time to say _“Fuck it”_ and just… Just live.

“You brought pizza?!” Stiles was smiling from the couch, Derek getting in with a big box on his hand, the briefcase on the other.

“Pepperoni.”

“Oh my God!” He jumped, putting the box on the table and moaning at the sweet, sweet smell. “What’s the occasion for pizza on a Wednesday?”

Derek grinned at him, putting all his stuff down and stepping in, cupping his face and kissing him slowly, passionate, biting at his bottom lip, sucking his tongue and whining against his mouth. Wet and hot, making Stiles’ whole body shivers, melt. “No occasion, just wanted to see you smile.”

And those little things, those simple acts made Stiles think. Derek was with him although Stiles was not gonna last, although he knew that Stiles was refusing treatment and he was still standing there, wanting to make Stiles happier and happier by the _second_. Derek took his day off yesterday just to take him to the park, make a picnic while sitting on the grass laughing, talking about nothing and about everything at the same time, helping Stiles to walk when he got dizzy, helping him to remember the little things he was starting to forget. He bought Stiles flowers, he tackle him to ground and made tickles until Stiles couldn’t breath from how hard he was laughing.

 Derek didn’t mind doing all that and it made Stiles heart grow so big and warm, because Derek was taking care of him, spending less to time with Laura and his family just to _be_ with him.

Because he just liked _being_ there.

They were finished eating, sitting on the couch with their legs wrapped around each other’s “Do you want to have kids?” Stiles asked, fingers caressing Derek’s shoulder.

“I do, two or three.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.  I like kids, dressing up on Halloween, staying up all night because they don’t stop crying.” He stopped for a moment, smiling shyly “I would really want that. You?”

“I wanted a boy and a girl, big house back in Beacon Hills, you know?”

“With a yard where we could plant some flowers. It would be nice.”

Stiles’ heart hurt, shrinking on his chest and all he could do was lean in and take Derek’s mouth on his, kissing him with all he had, sitting at his lap, grinding and moaning when Derek’ hand cupped his ass firmly, pulling him even closer and it was so good.

Derek always did those little comments, like he didn’t notice what he was really saying. Simples stuff as in “Yeah, we should by a cat.” Or “I like the name Aisha for a girl.” Like he totally forgot that Stiles wouldn’t do all those things and it just… It made Stiles want him more and more.

They were both only with their boxers now, Derek’s perfect body pressing him down against the mattress, mouthing at his neck, kissing his pulse, biting it softly, making Stiles arch up his back, making him moan low and thick _“Fuuck, Der!”_ and shiver with want. His nails digging into Derek’s back as he licked his way down to Stiles nipple, hot and wet, taking it on his mouth and smiling at the loud high-pitched noise that Stiles let out “Fuck Derek, just… _Oh_.” Voice getting lost, becoming a needy whine.

Derek sucked his nipple slowly, nails scratching Stiles’ ribs as he enjoyed the way Stiles body writhed under him, searching for more, their cocks twisting and leaking.  Stiles pulled him back up, staring at his eyes and grinning before finally kissing him, licking the inside of his mouth while one of his hand dropped, cupping Derek’s hard dick, making the man whine, biting his lower lip.

“I need to suck you, Stiles.”  

“Jesus Derek,” he grinned, their cocks rubbing, the friction making them still for a moment.

Derek’s tongue tipped at the head of his cock, lips curved around it, sucking fast just so that he could slowly take bit by bit of Stiles, until his nose was pressed against his hips. Stiles’ hands grabbing his hair, controlling himself not to moan loudly, not to beg and push against Derek.

 “I want you to be loud Stiles, I want hear you fucking my mouth.” Derek licked from the base to the top, hand stroking as he relaxed his jaw.

Stiles lost it right there, thrusting up hard, whining at the feeling of his dick touching Derek’s throat, hot and wet. He looked down, Derek’ mouth stretched as he hummed around Stiles’ cock, playing with his thighs and it was too much, Stiles’ mind was going thousand per minute and he knew he wouldn’t last much if they kept going like that.

“Derek- _Jesus_ – Derek, if you don’t stop I’m—“  The grip on his hips got tighter, Derek sucking harder and harder, until Stiles mind was nothing but a puddle as he come, body shivering as Derek licked him clean, fingers playing with his rim.

The surprised yelp was unstoppable, the two fingers making their way in as Derek moaned, head falling to kiss Stiles’ belly bottom as he pushed himself against those fingers, babbling low whispers as he grabbed to the sheets, Derek pressing his sweet spot, leading him to the edge but never really pushing him. “Fuck me, God, I need…”

“Tell me Stiles,” he sucked a bruise onto his hips, the pale skin already getting color “Teel me what you want.”

“I want you to fuck me, want to feel you inside me.” And Stiles couldn’t feel more proud than when Derek gasped, cursing under his breath as he got the condom.

He never felt so full as in when Derek was completely inside of him, pushing in slow as he leaned down to kiss Stiles parted lips, sucking the bottom one as Stiles moaned against him, thrusting his hips as Derek moved, in and out, grinding against him. Stiles whispering in his ear for him to go _harder_ , faster, _deeper_ , smiling pleased at Derek’s face as his fallowed his advice, the thrusts becoming more desperate, like Derek was letting go and just going with it, harder and faster, the skin against skin sound getting mixed with the moans and curses and Stiles was so _fucking_ close.

“Faster Der, I’m almost- _Shit_!” He came, the white strips painting his chest and chin as he clenched around Derek’s, heart pounding loudly and vision filling up with dark spots for a minute.

When he came to his senses Derek was on top of him, breathing hard as his back went up and down. Stiles started to draw little circles on his neck, hugging him slightly, kissing his sweaty hair. They were a mess, all sticky and wet with come, but staying like that was so comfortable and somehow familiar that he didn’t want to move, he wanted to just be there forever. Stiles wanted to be with Derek like he never wanted to be with someone.

“I should clean us up, right?” He nosed at Stiles’ neck, breathing him in and smiling.

“Yeah, you should, ‘cuz my brain just became mush.” He grinned at Derek’s laugh.

Derek cleaned him up, wrapping his muscled arms around him and pulling him closer, covering them with the sheets and giving a mouth-opened kiss at Stiles nape.

Stiles could feel Derek’s heartbeat on his bare back, the ghost of his warm breathe and he started thinking about all the things they could do together, traveling, buying a house, having kids. Helping Laura to paint her living room, taking Isaac to the park. So many movies they could watch together, so many meals they could cook together. So many things Stiles wanted to do that he never really wanted before, and that’s when he figure it out why his mom chose to stay at a hospital: she wanted to live because she loved his father, because she loved him and Stiles understood that now because for the first time in his entire life, he was actually starting to feel the love.

And he wanted nothing more than to love Derek, to be with him and have his kids. To see the happy smile on his dad's face when he announced that they were going to adopt a baby.

He realized he wanted nothing more than to live, to have a life at the side of the man lying on his bed next to him.

“Breakfast in bed?” Derek’s voice was funny, eyes slowly opening as he sat down, Stiles sitting across the tray full with pancakes, eggs, juice and toast “What’s the occasion for all this? Was I that good last night?”

Stiles laughed, tossing a piece of bread at him “You asshole, no none of that.” He took a deep breath.

“You just love me, I know.” He ate a pancake smiling.

“I think I do, and that’s why I’ll try.”

Derek looked confused “Try? Try what?”

“Chemo. I’ll try chemo because I want to love you, I want to be with you and do all the stupid things we say we would like to do one day, the cheesy movies, going to Disneyland and taking a picture with Mickey, buying those ridiculous mouse ears. I want all that stuff and I want it with you.”

Stiles thought that Derek would run, or break things up because he just stiffed for a long moment, staring blankly at him. “Unless you don’t—“ Derek pushed the tray aside, pulling Stiles close by the waist and kissing him with all he’s got, face frowning and Stiles gave in.

“I’m so glad you decided to fight, Stiles.” He whispered, mouths brushing.

“You are?”

“Yeah, I don’t think I would survive without your endless talking, and your loud chewing.”

“Bite me.” Stiles laughed when Derek, actually, bitted his shoulder. “Animal.”

“You are serious about this though? You sure? What about the whole thing with your mom?”

Stiles stared at that beautiful kaleidoscope of colors, those amazing eyes full with expectation. “I am, I finally understood her motives and I want to try. After all, I’m just too nice to die like that.”

“We agree on that.” Derek kissed the corner of his lips.

“You still wanna be with me?”

“I want and will see you win this thing, Stiles.”

Yeah, he could definitively love Derek, he probably already did.

He was not giving up, it was going to be a hard fight.

But he was doing it anyway.

**_He was going to do it._ **

_You're just one more hand me down_ _  
_ _Cause no one's tried to give you what you need_ _  
_ _So lay all your troubles down_ _  
_ **_I am with you now_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are liking it. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all amazing and beautiful people for reading it <3


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